Certain
by Daishiko
Summary: Wally is a tease. Kuki likes Rainbow Monkeys. Nigel jumps to conclusions. slash
1. chapter 1

_Author's Note: _

_For those of you who read this on my crack fic name, please re-review. I decided to move the story over here beacuse it was too annoying to keep logging into another name. _

_ If you aren't farmiliar with it, I wrote this fic to make the fandom cry. Instead they stood up in cheered. I am confused._

_Due to popular demand, I will continue it for as long as there's interest.  
In other words, reviews equal more chapters. ;pp_

_

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_Certain_

Wally was a tease. Nigel was certain of it. He knew this like he knew sunglasses were cool. It was in everything that Wally did; it was in the way his small, nimble hands would hold the knife as he smeared vegemite over his hot lunch. Nigel would watch, transfixed by the motion. Everything else that Wally did was so rushed and brash, but the strokes across white bread were so reverent. Nigel found it oddly sensual.

Then there was gym. Wally would move with the speed and agility of a cat. Any childish clumsiness had completely vanished from the small muscular boy. When he held the dodge ball above his head, preparing to hurl it at the opposition, a bit of delectable skin was revealed as the orange shirt was pulled up Wally's taunt stomach. Nigel would stare and lick his lips as Wally purposely held the ball in the air for longer than necessary.

He was such a tease.

So, when Wally had teased him by taking a little too long changing out of his gym clothes after classes one day, Nigel didn't bother restraining himself from pinning the smaller boy to the lockers. He was so convinced of his findings that he didn't even notice how Wally was tense and struggling through most of it nor that he gasped out Kuki's name when he came, eyes clenched.

Nigel stopped pushing against him and allowed Wally's hands to fall to their owner's side. The blonde immediate ran to one of the stalls and locked himself in. As sounds of retching filled the room, Nigel began to think that maybe he was wrong about Wally being a tease.

And more importantly, if he was wrong about that, maybe wearing sunglasses at night wasn't cool either.


	2. chapter 2

**_Certain_**  
_chapter 2  
_

Wally was straight. Kuki was certain of it. She knew this like she knew Rainbow Monkeys were cool. It was in everything that Wally did; it was in the way he would cover his hot lunch with vegemite everyday. Kuki knew for a fact that Mrs. Beetles made him a bag lunch every morning before school, but Wallabee insisted on buying to keep up "manly" appearances. Apparently, only losers brought food from home.

This, however, didn't stop him from adding exorbitant amounts of Australian flavoring, in a concentrated manner. Once, Wally had confessed that vegemite tasted of home for him. It made him feel at ease, confident, and grounded. It tasted like family and his roots and the place where he was born but now only saw in dreams. He was being so sweet that she didn't have the heart to tell him that it tasted like crap on sushi.

Wally would stare resolutely at his meal, adding more vegemite as he became more uncomfortable with how Kuki would lean over the table to whisper something in his ear, so she could be heard in the noisy cafeteria, or how their knees would knock together when she laughed, or how her pleaded skirt was a little shorter today, providing a longer sketch of bare skin between the hem and knee socks for him to try not to stare at.

Then there was gym. Wally would run and play with a vigor he rarely showed since turning thirteen. There was a light of triumph in his eyes that she missed. Kuki couldn't help but pull back the large curtain that separated the two sides, so she could see a glimpse of the Numbuh 4 again. He would catch her staring and freeze mid-toss. A slight blush would emerge across his cheeks as she smiled warmly at him from across the court. He would snap his attention back to the game and throw the ball back with extra enthusiasm, as if a dodge ball game would prove his worth to her. Kuki felt pity for the victim who dropped to his knees immediately after impact of the fervent pitch.

Wally was most definitely straight and had a crush on her.

It was, however, odd when he started acting different, as if he had changed over night. At lunch, he would stare off into space while he applied his vegemite with a confused or thoughtful look on his face. As if Wally thinking about something wasn't strange enough, he also wouldn't mind when she leant over to him or they brushed against each other. His smiles were no longer shy, but merely friendly.

The boy started to drink tea! He wanted to go shopping with her and have his hair styled fashionably.

They were studying in Kuki's room, with Wally sprawling unceremoniously on her bed, tapping the eraser against his textbook, with that thoughtful look on his face that was slowly driving her insane. Kuki looked over the problems that she would be helping him with this week, trying to ignore the way Wally was now idling playing with the hemp necklace Abby had given him for Christmas.

How did she never notice how tan his neck and broad his shoulders had become? Were Wally's hands always that strong? When did she develop this urge to crawl into his big, protective arms?

"You know," Wally said, stopping his fidgeting to look at her seriously.

When did Wally become capable of seriousness?

"You should consider going out with Sandy. He has those pretty brown eyes. I don't really like freckles, but some girls find them really cute."

When did Wally stop being a little boy? When did Wally stop being everything she had assumed he would always be? When did Wally stop being hers?

When did Wally stop being straight?

And did this mean it wasn't cool to sleep with Rainbow Monkeys at seventeen?


	3. chapter 3

_Author's Note:_

_-Again, I've moved Certain over from my crack drabble account because I'm actually putting a bit of effort into it now. You still shouldn't take it seriously, so I'm not... I'll continue for as long as there's interest._

_-I've changed the rating from PG-13/T+ to R/M... due to crass language in this chapter, the adult themes of this story as a whole, and well, who knows how far this will go. ;ppp So please take notice of this before you continue reading._

_-Please rereview. They're like cheesecake at the end of a crappy day. _

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**Certain**  
_chapter 3 _

Wally was certain something strange was going on. Even though he wasn't really certain what certain meant. But he was fairly certain that certain was like being really fucking sure. Maybe.

He wanted to ask Kuki what it meant, but part of what was strange was that he couldn't ask Kuki because she was what was strange to begin with.

She was no longer extraordinary beautiful or mysterious or unreachable. It suddenly seemed really stupid to think of her that way. After all, they'd been friends since childhood, and she'd never said anything to make him think they weren't the close friends that they should be. That they were.

In fact, it seemed really, really stupid that for the past couple years, he had felt embarrassed when she looked at him or the need to impress her. She was Kuki.

She was special and wonderful and a very good friend and it was becoming harder and harder to remember why he had been so uncomfortable around her to begin with.

These realizations had fallen into his head with raindrops of wisdom the moment he had allowed his eyes to close, and admitted that he liked the feeling of a strong knee between his thighs, pushing at his cock, rocking him to completion. He threw his head back, allowing the heat and pleasure to course through his body. The pressure that pooled at his groin hurt so good that Wally couldn't help but cry out nonsensically when it was released.

It felt good. Really good.

He opened his eyes and saw Nigel looking at him with a sated smirk

His mother had told him about making love. It was something you did with a woman to create a child. His father had told him about sex. It was something you did with the woman you love after you got married. As a freshman in high school, the older students had pulled him to the back of the bus and told him about fucking. It was something you did with a girl when they let you.

Wally had never done any of these. He had never made love, had sex, or fucked. As he clutched the porcelain toilet bowl, he wondered what had just happened with Nigel was called.

One thing he was certain of was that Kuki had never done anything to make him feel this good.

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_Author's Note: _

_ eep. Sorry this took so long to get out. I finished this two weeks ago, so but my computer crashed and I lost the whole thing! I was so mad, I didn't even want to look at it. :laugh: I hope it turned out okay the second time around._

_ This was actually suppose to be longer, but when I got to this point, it felt like a good place to stop. Next chapter Wally will get in touch with his "gay side". Any suggestions for who should help him? >XD_

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	4. chapter 4

**Certain**  
_chapter 4_

Mushi and Sonya liked gay men. They were certain that there was nothing in the world hotter than two cute boys pressed together, enveloped in passion. They watched the movies, bought the manga, and read the fanfiction. They were slashers through and through.

Some might have looked disapprovingly upon sixteen-year-old girls having such a hobby. However, whenever approached, the two girls would look up with such sweet, innocent faces that all suspicions were immediately dropped. Sometimes they would add an adorable smile or watery eyes, just to add variation to the act. The plan was flawless and allowed them to pursue their hobbies in peace.

It was now second term and the girls were brainstorming for ideas on Project GAY - Part II. After the utter failure that was Part I, in which they tried to push Sonya's best friends Lee and Tommy together even though Lee was infuriatingly straight, they were looking for something different and a little more manageable.

They had considered taking on Nigel for a short time. He was obviously gay, especially with the way he had been leering at Wally all year and how he would subtly lean closer to them in order to overhear their fangirling over the latest "Queer As Folk" season. However, since Nigel was British, he already acted outrageous gay. There was really nothing they could do for him except throw those atrocious shades back into the 1980s, where they belonged, and equip him with fashionable sunglasses appropriate for the current decade.

Even Mushi and Sonya needed more of a challenge than that.

It was while she was glaring grudgingly at Nigel, wishing he was a little less flamboyant, that Mushi started to notice something different about the interaction between Wally and Kuki. It was freer and less tense. There were no longer any awkward pauses or shy glances. Mushi thought for one depressing moment that they had become a couple. It wasn't that Mushi didn't want her sister to be happy; it was just that heterosexuality was so boring.

Mushi pushed her lunch to the side and collapsed into the folds of her arms on the tabletop. It was really strange. Beyond the newfound ease between them, they didn't act like a new couple. There were no kisses or touches or smitten looks. She didn't expect Wally to be mushy, but Mushi also didn't expect them to act like an old married couple, content to simply be in each other's company.

She sat up, elbow resting on the table, head in open hands. It was also odd that Kuki hadn't said anything to her. Kuki told Mushi everything. It had been that way since they were little. And even though Mushi had strategically started to leave things out of their discussions, Kuki had always faithfully divulged everything.

Sandy approached the table, and Mushi watched more intently. However, there was no fight, no claim of ownership, and no jealousy. Mushi watched incredulously as Wally remained quiet and unaffected throughout the whole flirty conversation between Sandy and Kuki. The ginger haired boy was allowed to leave unharmed and the youngest Sanban was completely stumped.

She had no idea what was going on. If Wally and Kuki were a couple, surely he would be even more possessive than usual. If she were with someone else, Kuki wouldn't flirt with another boy.

The younger girl watched Sandy walk away. There was a slight sway to his hips that wasn't necessarily because of the large satchel he carried on one shoulder. His pants were fit, showing off slim legs and a sweet little ass. Mushi sighed heavily. Sandy would have made a lovely gay man if he weren't so enamoured on Kuki.

Lazily, she shifted her gaze back to the enigmatic pair. She was about to bury her mind back into musing over them when her eyes widened comically in realization. While Kuki had turned back to her food, Wally was still turned, staring off in the other direction. He wasn't looking at her or any other girl for that matter.

Wally was looking at Sandy. Wally was watching the slight sway in Sandy's hips. Wally was appreciating the way Sandy's pants displayed his slim legs and sweet little ass. Wally, Mushi thought wildly, was checking Sandy out.

Wally leaned in and whispered something in Kuki ear that earned a laugh and playful slap to the arm.

Well, to hell with Nigel and his ugly sunglasses. Forget Lee and his mundane sexual orientation. This was something worth looking into.

When Sonya finally joined her at the lunch table, Mushi practically pounced her. They finally had their new subject.

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Author's Note:  
This chapter amuses me. I hope it amuses you too. Somehow, the idea of Mushi and Sonya being slashers is just too good to pass up. Also, Nigel watching QAF... laughs_

NEXT chapter they shall help Wally get in touch with the oozing gayness that lies beneath. BWHAHAHHAAA!

Ah, but there hasn't been many reviews... so maybe you guys aren't interested anymore? hm.   



	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Yeah, yeah. I know it's been ages, but for some reason I was feeling silly. The first draft of this chapter got lost when my laptop died, so I got frustrated and didn't want to rewrite it... and yet here it is anyway. Hope it's enjoyable.

Warnings for crackfic as always

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Sonya was certain that this wasn't going to work.

They had just spent the past two and a half hours trying to teach Wallabee Beatles the fine art of being gay, and it just wasn't working. He wouldn't saunter about, blush coyly, or bat his eyes prettily. He had just about destroyed the kitchen with his failed attempts at cooking and he choked every time Mushi had tried to shove the thick black dildo down his throat.

If not for his obvious new attraction to men, Sonya would have written this off as another Lee.

Sonya slumped into a chair and looked down at her painted nails as Mushi started up another screaming match with their victim over proper hair styling techniques and threatening to shave his head again. It appeared the Mohawk Incident still stirred bad blood since Wally railed back at her about Sandy dumping her for a three year old.

Luckily, the door rang, leaving Sonya a happy retreat away from the blood shed, as she left to answer it.

Tommy, prancing through the hall, babbled excitedly about being late due to play practice and how lovely the musical was going to be and how he did hope to get a solo part. Sonya smiled indulgently and led him into the main room where Wally and Mushi had apparently finished arguing and were stewing at opposite ends of the room.

Taking with her the leather pants that Tommy had brought for their use, Sonya joined Mushi, half listening to her complaints of stupid blondes who were too stupid to know when to brush their stupid hair, as her hands went over the smooth fabric and wondered if she should get a pair for herself.

Mushi concluded that this was why Wally was completely and utterly hopeless and they let the comment sit was a moment before sighing with mutual agreement. Their wallowing, however, was quickly cut off by Tommy's flirty giggling, and they turned toward the sound. Wally was leaning an arm against the wall, smirking in that stupid, arrogant way that he had, which apparently had Tommy completely flustered and entranced.

Sonya raised an eyebrow in consideration and Mushi's mouth dropped open in delight.

"Oh, Mushi," Sonya simpered, clasping her hands in the other girls as they took in the scene as it transpired in the most wonderful and gayest way possible. "We've been so hasty due to his height, but dear Wally is a big, burly top!"

"Tommy, love of my life, can bring out the true gay in anything."

Maybe things weren't so certain to turn out for the wrong after all.


End file.
